How to Get a Tattoo You'll Regret in Three Easy Steps

A completely reasonable guide to making a permanent decision based on temporary thinking.

Congratulations. You've decided to get a tattoo.

Unfortunately, you've decided to approach this permanent piece of artwork with the decision-making process of choosing a seasonal coffee flavor.

Fortunately, I'm here to help.

Follow these three simple steps.

Step One: Pick Something Because It's Trending

Nothing says lifelong commitment like something you discovered three weeks ago on TikTok.

Trends are fun. They're also, by definition, temporary.

That doesn't mean you can never get something that's currently popular. It simply means you should ask yourself whether you actually love the subject—or whether you love seeing it everywhere right now.

Your tattoo doesn't need to be timeless.

But it should probably survive the trend cycle.

Step Two: Choose Your Artist Based on Price

You've already found the artist you want.

You've looked through their portfolio. You love their work. You can clearly see that they've spent years developing a particular style.

Now ignore all of that.

Find someone cheaper.

After all, a tattoo is just artwork permanently installed in your skin. Why would the person creating it matter?

A lower price may be perfectly reasonable for some artists and some projects. But choosing an artist solely because they're the least expensive option is a remarkably efficient way to make price the most important factor in a decision that will last considerably longer than your credit-card statement.

Step Three: Ignore the Artist's Advice

You've chosen your artist. Excellent.

Now make sure you disregard everything they tell you about size, placement, detail, color, longevity, or what will actually work well as a tattoo.

Want a highly detailed realistic image that's three inches wide?

Perfect.

Want to put it somewhere that gets constant friction and sunlight?

Even better.

Your artist has only spent years learning how tattoos behave on skin. Surely your five minutes of research can compete with that.

Congratulations.

You've successfully combined a temporary trend, the cheapest possible option, and a complete disregard for professional advice into one permanent decision.

You've outsourced a permanent decision to a temporary trend.

Fortunately, avoiding tattoo regret is considerably less complicated.

Choose something you genuinely connect with.

Find an artist whose work you love—not simply the artist with the lowest price.

And listen when an experienced professional explains why something may need to be larger, simpler, differently placed, or approached another way.

Your future self has to live with the tattoo.

It's worth letting that person have a vote.